Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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