he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
