I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the day after is always just damage control
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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