Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
