i just identified you from a description of your pipe
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
