just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
