i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
