My nipple is on Facebook.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
