Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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