I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
