I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
