Duck Duck Cougar?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
