In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
