he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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