I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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