What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
