I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My penis needs a shock collar
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
we're so committed to being not committed
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize