You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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