All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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