I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
