That's when you crack a 10am beer
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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