Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
