I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
