so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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