I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
