my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
