I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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