i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
