i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
