A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize