So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
