Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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