I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
