I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
