her facebook's as public as her vagina
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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