whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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