seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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