so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
