just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
