i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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