New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize