And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize