i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
