i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize