There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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