Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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