I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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