Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
