A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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