Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
