wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
