the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
