I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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