ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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