I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
