Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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