I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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