You're my little dorito
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
