I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
