If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
