Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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