Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
