Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
