Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
