can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
