He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
