shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
sick fucks of a feather flock together
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
