I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize